Anyway,
that moment reeled me to few weeks back, when another expectant mother, a
friend, casually talked about her baby kicking on her 16th week! And
that’s it. I patiently waited for my 16th! Honestly, not to be woken
up in the middle of the night or being kicked in the middle of a nice meal, but
just to make sure baby’s doing fine. That’s all. And when I realized I didn’t
feel any such thing, how could have I not worried a little? Not panic, but just
worried, like several other times when my heart would skip a beat at some
imaginary mishap (and what crazy images I tell you!) So this time, unlike
other Doc visits, when I am mostly listening (since most of my queries would
have already been answered by blessed Google), I was armed with few questions
for the Doc. No prizes for guessing the first one, which I tried to place very
casually between conversations, making sure hubby doesn’t hit the panic button.
But docs being docs (a sprightly one at that), said, “ah! Don’t ya worry,
sometimes they are lazy till the 28th week!) For someone whose
entire existence revolves around the thing that is growing inside her, those
words came down like a burst of cool breeze on a humid day, must have been the most
comforting words I heard, immediately putting me back to the swing of things.
So I went back to waiting some more, often remembering what the Doc. also said,
which was, that, “it will feel like a soft tingle, a flutter”, not even a ‘poke’, “just a
tiny reminder that baby is renting out inside you.” Which made me wonder, what if
in that case, being the self-absorbed, meditating person I am, I missed it the
first time? Or first couple of times for that matter? Not entirely impossible!
Not like I was not going to forgive myself for it or something, I mean come on!
But still! Frankly and honestly, I was actually dreading the thought of
something growing inside me, ‘kicking’ (Good Lord!), when my friend had mentioned
it to me at first. Now lets face it, I am far from being one of those sentimental
women who would melt and wallow at the idea of a baby pushing hard enough
against your tummy to qualify as a kick. Not judging, but not my fault if I do
not see any excitement in that, curiosity, yes! But no psyching over it. Sorry
to disappoint. But hey! That’s me! However, the Doctor’s teasing reminder that
it’s not a football player’s, but a certain vegetable-sized human’s kick, kind
of eased me sheepishly. And within few days from the day we had that
conversation, lo and behold! Baby decided to make up for the loss time, and yes,
loss kicks! Wonder what it was trying to prove! I get it, you like taking a
little hike at night, but bungee jump? No baby, hell no!
I
don’t know how other women have reacted to the first time they felt the baby
move or felt its tiny kick, but each time it did inside me, I would pause, if
between conversations, I would trip and start to wander. But it also gave me a
selfish sense of victory over the husband, who would never ever know what that
feels like. But for now, I can only hope that as baby grows, I will probably find
a rhythm in the movements and not be taken by surprise each time; hopefully baby
will grow gentler as it gains more weight, even if without a sense of gravity.
And who knows, if Gods are kind, even sleep during nights (Prayers can do
wonder they say!) But I do realize that, for now, baby needs to be left alone
to do as it pleases. While I am just supposed to make room for more antics and
drama, and wait, and wait some more, for the miracle to unfold.
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