From the top

                                   

Alright, let me begin from the beginning. I have been married for almost six and a half years now, as my small, yet tight group of people would know. Period long enough to attract enough eye balls and whispers surrounding my pregnancy - its possibility, its denial, its choosing or of not choosing etc.

To be honest, till very recently I had not felt the need or the desire to spare a single thought in that direction. It was quite clear between us two partners that we will go for it when we feel like it. As simple and plain as that.

So when we finally made up our minds, one fine morning, the much-revered pink line in the life of an expectant mother closed the deal for us. Hid the pregnancy test result under my pajama pockets and held out two candies to the husband who was still at his breakfast cereals. That’s all I could think of to mark the special moment. Okay I admit I could have been tad more creative, but probably the excitement got the better of me. Clueless, he accepted the candies and no matter how hard I tried, my unusually wide smile just gave it away. It was reassuring to see he was as happy and excited. But men being men, it quickly followed with a, ‘Really? So soon? How come?’ And before I could adjust my throat for the sarcasm that was frothing to be spitted at his direction, he grabbed his coat and ran to save his day, with a congratulatory kiss, which kind of made up for it. 

With him gone, the house retrieved to the pleasant morning quietness, I positioned myself comfortably on the bathtub beam and kept staring at the pink line for whole 5 minutes - pretty pink line that was going to change our lives forever! Once I was done staring, it was rightfully saved in an image on my phone for memories’ sake. I realized this was just the beginning of strange and unusual images that were going to get saved in my phone’s memory. Things for which I could judge myself later, but who cares about that now! My sanity and judgment can go take a walk.

But then don’t we just get extra sensitive and nervous over such matters till the expert has pronounced it, and not just go with our own instincts and intelligence? So the next obvious step was to look for an ob-gyn who seemed agreeable to both of us. With the husband’s neck dug inside books and presentations, I took upon myself to do the marathon web research for a doc. Finally and eventually, after few phone calls and suggestions from friends, we landed with a gynecologist and got an appointment for a date that didn’t seem like a long wait. I have to admit I rejected a few based just on their unfriendly faces, cold vibes and bad front office behavior. Who cares about professional degrees and experience! Faint-hearted people I suppose. Not me! I simply went with the doc who had the warmest smile on her professional website. Hah!

So 10^th of February was blocked in all possible calendars we could think of. As the days rolled by, and the date was nearing, my anxiety levels reached crazy heights. Lots of ifs and buts blurred my already clouded mind. It was followed with losing focus on things, simple thing as typing and reading got difficult, as I couldn’t concentrate on most of the regular chores. So it was almost a relief when we finally geared up for the doctor visit. It was quite nerve wrecking to see how much they rely on the accuracy of the home pregnancy tests in the US, probably in other countries too that I am not aware of, but I have to admit, it did make me a little worried, till they checked me up from head to toe and all symptoms were positively concluding that, I am, going to be a mother after all! Gosh! A mother! Wonder what that feels like! O wait, I don’t need to know already.

For now let me just sit and soak in the news, allow me little time to wallow and gaggle in the joy it brought, don’t become the aunty who tells you exactly what you need to know, tell me not about the heartburn and the backache that would follow, let me live under a beautiful delusion as long as it lasts, help me postpone the one-on-one baby talk please, don’t sit me down and patronize me for I am a first time mother who knows nothing! Let me bask a little in this bliss like ignorance, keep the pregnancy books at bay, let me pretend it’s going to be a cake walk raising a child, show me only the fabulous side, save the ghastly midnight poo and pee tales for some other time. Allow me just this little while to bask, sigh, smile, dream and sleep over it tonight.